I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
