you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
