Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
