My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
