So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
