it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
