i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
