so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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