You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
