Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
