You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
