Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
