I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
