some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
