Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
