As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
