Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
