She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
