The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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