Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
