I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
