but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
