Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize