I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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