The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
