Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
