So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
