i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
