You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
