I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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