Nicole vs. Life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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