Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
