i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the day after is always just damage control
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
