I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
