Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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