I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
