so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
