So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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