Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
