turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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