She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
