areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
