so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
40s are totally the cure
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
