i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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