physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
