Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
