I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
