Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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