Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
