Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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