It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
