my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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