I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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