exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
