i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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