haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize