Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you had me at cake vodka
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
