grandma shit on top of the toilet
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
