Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your penis caused this!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
