How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
