I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
