Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
