i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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