We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
