I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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