Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
