WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The power of my boobs compel you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
