just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
