I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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