yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize