All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
