I think I am morally bankrupt
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
