New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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