If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
