you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
