I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
