If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
